What is Love? It’s Not a Choice or a Feeling, It’s a Practice.

What is Love? It’s Not a Choice or a Feeling. When it comes to the age-old question, “What is love?” the typical responses range from saccharine to skeptical, often dancing around clichés of romance and heartache. However, in a thought-provoking twist, philosopher Skye Cleary, in her article on The Conversation, throws a curveball into the arena of love definitions. According to Cleary, love is neither a whimsical choice nor a fleeting feeling but a deliberate practice.

Let’s dive into Cleary’s philosophical take on love, exploring why it’s more than just butterflies in your stomach or the sweet serenade of violins in the background.

The Myths We Tell Ourselves

Before we get to the heart of Cleary’s argument, let’s dispel some common myths. Love is often portrayed in popular culture as an uncontrollable force – think of it as a wild stallion that sweeps you off your feet. From fairy tales to rom-coms, the narrative is clear: love happens to you. It’s serendipitous, it’s spontaneous, and it’s certainly not something you have a say in. This portrayal leads us to believe that love is either a serendipitous occurrence or a chaotic force of nature.

Cleary dismantles this myth by emphasizing that love, in its truest form, is neither passive nor purely emotional. It is a conscious act, a series of choices, and a continuous practice that demands effort and attention.

Love as a Practice

To understand love as a practice, imagine it as tending to a garden. Anyone with a green thumb will tell you that a beautiful garden doesn’t just happen overnight. It requires constant care, attention, and a lot of hard work. You must plant the seeds, water the plants, prune the weeds, and sometimes, even talk to your plants (though your neighbors might give you strange looks). Similarly, love requires continuous effort, communication, and the willingness to nurture the relationship.

Cleary’s perspective is a refreshing departure from the idea that love is just a feeling that you either have or you don’t. Feelings can be fickle and fleeting, but practice is steadfast and enduring. By viewing love as a practice, we can appreciate the ongoing work that goes into building and maintaining a meaningful connection with someone.

The Choice to Practice

While Cleary argues that love isn’t a choice in the traditional sense – you don’t simply choose to fall in love – it is certainly a choice to engage in the practice of love. This means actively deciding to be present in your relationship, to communicate openly, and to support your partner through thick and thin. Love, therefore, is not a passive state but an active commitment.

In this light, love becomes less about finding the right person and more about becoming the right partner. It shifts the focus from seeking perfection in someone else to striving for improvement in oneself and in the relationship.

Beyond Romance

Another intriguing aspect of Cleary’s argument is that love as a practice extends beyond romantic relationships. The principles of love – commitment, effort, and nurturing – can be applied to friendships, familial bonds, and even self-love. When we practice love in all its forms, we cultivate deeper, more fulfilling connections across all areas of our lives.

The Philosophical Takeaway

So, what is love? According to Skye Cleary, love is a practice that demands dedication and perseverance. It’s not about being swept off your feet by a magical force; it’s about rolling up your sleeves and getting to work. It’s about making the daily choice to invest in your relationships and nurture them with care and attention.

This philosophical perspective is both empowering and liberating. It reminds us that love is within our control, not something that happens to us but something we actively participate in. By viewing love as a practice, we can create more meaningful and lasting connections, cultivating gardens of love that bloom beautifully with time and effort.

So, next time someone asks you, “What is love?” skip the clichés and give them the philosopher’s answer: Love is a practice – now go water your garden.

 

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